I rejoined the climbing world this past Saturday with Johnny Bo Bo. In 40 degree weather, I led the Umph Slot on the Dome. This infamous overhanging offwidth proved too much for Dr. OW. In fact, the only person I have ever heard of climbing it is that blowhard from Wyoming on rec.climbing. He rated it 11b. I fired it!

Did I forget to mention that it took me an hour to aid this miserable thing? What a struggle! I led up to the base of the forbidding fissure and set up a belay. Johnny joined me soon after. At first I thought things would go reasonably well because there was a smaller crack in the back of the offwidth that would protect nicely. Then I found out, five feet out from the belay, that I could no longer reach the smaller crack in back. I was too big to get into the crack itself and my arms weren't long enough to reach the crack.

I was armed with two #5 Camalots, a #7 Big Dude, a #6 Big Dude, and two #4 Camalots, but none of these were big enough. I struggled to jam myself up into the crack and eventually got three pieces (smaller cams) into the crack in back, but that was all I could do. I was still less than ten feet from the belay. At this point I thought it was hopeless, then I remembered that I was also carrying one of those hideous, expanding cylinders called Big Bros. I had a single #3 which was bigger than any of my cams and it just barely wedged in the wide crack. These things give me the willies. I haven't used them much and never felt like I got a solid placement. Yet now I had to aid on it.

I pulled up and clipped my fifi hook into the Big Bro and was then able to clip into another piece in the crack. I then replaced the Big Bro a couple of feet higher. From this vantage point I could finally place a #5 Camalot. A bit higher I placed my second #5 Camalot and then cranked the finally moves totally free!

A mini cluster fuck ensued while rappelling down this crack to remove the gear. There was no way Johnny could follow it on aid or free since this was his second technical climb and he was basically clueless. I was able to get the first #5 Camalot (mine) out easily, but the second #5 Camalot, which I had borrowed from the Trashman seemed hopelessly over-cammed. The tension of the rappel line had jammed it too deep into the crack. The Trashman wasn't going to be too happy about this...

After much struggle where I was sure I would have to leave a cam behind because I simply could not reach it, I finally cleaned all the gear. We pulled the rope and I climbed up to the base of Super Squeeze where there was a rappel anchor. I then rappelled back down to Johnny where he informed me that he had never rappelled before. "Better learn fast," I said on my down to the ground. John did and I was soon leading us up The Owl, a classic 5.7 route. We had to climb back up to retrieve my rappel anchors at the top of the Umph Slot. The light was fading, but things went smoothly and three short pitches later we were on the summit with all of our gear. The descent was uneventful, but today I am very sore. Everywhere. Especially my inside left thigh - the classic offwidth muscle. I also had some problem with sewing machine leg on both routes. I'm way out of shape.