Fourteen hours is the magical barrier for a round-trip ascent of the Diamond on Longs Peak, probably because the mountain is one of the select "14ers" - mountains over 14,000 feet tall. Many attempt to break the barrier; some are capable of it; and fewer still succeed. On July 26th, the Trashman and I were inaugurated into this select club by blitzing Pervertical Sanctuary in a car to car time of 13 hours and 59 minutes.

We met at 2:30 a.m. in Boulder and drove to the trailhead. We were hiking by 3:40 a.m. and quickly passed a number of hiking groups, due to our superior fitness, but no other climbers. Most climbers aren’t man enough to climb the Diamond in a single day starting from Boulder. These limp-wristed charlatans opt for the couch potato approach: they hike in the day before and sleep at the base. We passed two parties using this tactic on the lower section of the wall. One was still at their bivy site having croissants and a cup of latte and the other team was fastidiously belaying the North Chimney approach route.

Trash and I soloed the North Chimney until Trash got worried. I dropped him a rope and rescued his ass. I always assure his wife that I’ll take care of him and I always do.

Trash started up the first pitch at 7:30 a.m. and ran the first two pitches together to finish at the top of a feature called the Mitten. One guidebook rates these pitches 5.8, but obviously that author has never climbed the route. Definite 5.9. The third pitch is beautiful, steep, exposed - typical Diamond climbing. The exposure on this route increases so fast because once up two pitches, the Broadway ledge fades and you look down over 700 feet to the base of the East Face and another 700 to Chasm Lake. Looking down from the top of the third pitch (our second) I remarked, "We’re up about five Eldo pitches!"

The fourth pitch was only half a rope length and the Trashman disposed of it quickly. The crux pitch was next: 130 feet of steep cracks with very few rests. The wall reared up challenging me to match it. I laughed at this puny attempt to humble me. "Get outta my face," I yelled in defiance.

Climbing chalkless and tapeless to give the mountain chance, I powered up the crack with an unusual sequence of moves that often put me in awkward positions. This was just an attempt to make the pitch more challenging. Sure, I could have climbed it via the straight forward jamming techniques used by lesser climbers, but what would the point be?

To our left, two babes were climbing a route that couldn’t have been too hard since...well, they were babes. And they were keeping up with our pace. One of them was hanging all over the crux pitch which must have been casual since she wasn’t carrying any #4 Camalots. Adjacent to her, I hand stacked and knee locked my way up a heinous offwidth reveling in the high altitude and thin air that cripples an ordinary man, but only seemed to make me stronger. In a futile attempt to make the pitch challenging, I stopped frequently at awkward locations to place protection. When that failed, I even hung from the gear and tried to increase my fatigue through a series of special exercises I invented that, to the uninitiated, might look like merely resting on the rope. No luck. I was just way, way too honed.

After bringing in the Trash, he balked at the next pitch. I think he even blanched. He asked if I’d bail him out, rescue his ass once again. Always willing to be the hero and ever at the ready to consume more crack leads, I grabbed the rack and took my first taste. Mmmm, good. A little on the wide side, but nothing a sprinkling of big cams couldn’t solve.

As I was leading this difficult, wide, 5.10 pitch, a storm was moving in. I welcomed it. "Come on! Bring it on, Mother Nature," I taunted. "Do your worst." I needed something to up the commitment.

I knew it was up to me to get us off this wall alive and I also knew that the Trashman was counting on me to save his ass for a third time. When the Trashman slumped onto the belay I knew he was in no condition to lead the last pitch with the required speed. Once again, I took on the yoke of leader and plowed upwards at a breakneck pace.

Climbing the last pitch in a tremendous hailstorm merely invigorated us. I found it pleasantly refreshing. The lightning only entertained me. I laugh at danger. I live for peril. Heck, I wear "No Fear" T-shirts.

The hail was coming down so hard that it was six inches deep on the ledges. That is, if there were any ledges on our route, which there wasn’t, but we could see the hail on the ledges to the right of us where the ledgy Yellow Wall route ascends. Two gumbies were bailing off due to the weather.

The snow, hail, and rain that hit us kept my streak alive. Not my streak of always succeeding on the Diamond, but my streak of always climbing the Diamond in a snowstorm.

We unroped at 1 p.m. on Table Ledge and after packing the gear, scrambled to the top. We passed a party of four that had climbed Kiener’s Route and were belaying this section. Part way down the North Face I wasn’t leaving the Trashman in the dust with my usual incredible speed. Clearly something had to be wrong, so we took a break to eat and drink. It was the first time I had eaten since 3 a.m. Normally, eating wouldn’t be necessary for me if I was only going to be working hard for 14 hours, but we all have our bad days.

Once fueled we continued down to the two rappels and Chasm View. The view from Chasm View is truly amazing! What a great place to film or view climbers on the Diamond. We scoped out routes on the more serious right side and talked about our next goal. D1? Dunn-Westbay? The Joker? Nah, we needed something that was a challenge. Maybe a new route. We’d call it Wright Trash and it would be sustained, runout, 5.13 climbing. Roger Briggs may own 5.12 on the Diamond, but 5.13 is ours.

We skipped gaily down the trail until the weather had improved so much that we were forced back into our shorts and T-shirts. We wondered where everyone was? Were they all afraid of a little summer storm? We reached the car at 5:39 p.m. and entered the elite "Sub 14" group. Everyone bowed before us. Endorsement offers are expected to flow.